Where and How We Learn
In a lot of ways I find myself relating to Stephen, in all of his melodrama. I’m not proud but I remember liking the feeling of being the kid brooding outside, pretending I was somehow superior to those around me, or at least special. Stephen imagines himself dying, his funeral, coming across a romantic partner (or more being found; an encounter), etc. And to me, I feel like that’s just a normal way that kids thing (although I’m realizing I might be wrong, and maybe it’s not a normal experience).
The scene in the tram especially hit me hard. I remember having a first crush, having a moment with them, not shooting my shot, and just feeling an absolutely crippling sense of regret afterwards. Which is silly, because I was probably 12 and had no idea what was going on and the person I know for a fact did not reciprocate the feelings. And yet I immersed myself in those new feelings, wrote crap poems about loneliness and whatever.
And yet I didn’t really read the scene as predatory, as Emma pointed out on her blog (a great post). And I went back and read it, and yeah it is really creepy. But now I’m thinking, where did Stephen, I, and perhaps most readers of the book get these messed up ideas of how romance works?
One thing is literature, which Stephen is practically imitating in the tram ride. All of the romanticized ideas he has come from literature, and I don’t really think that’s changed up to today. He bases his romance off The Count of Monte Cristo, and because it’s all he had his first crush feels as dramatic as the novel. And he learns How To Do Romance from what he reads, and we still do. This is one way that romanticized and potentially problematic ideas are perpetuated.
Another thing is that Stephen watches the adults in his life and observed how they deal with things. He sees his parents dramatic conversations over politics, and makes the events in his life similarly dramatic. Why can’t they be? It’s his only reality and he’s learning to deal with it with the tools he has. So as sort of an aside from the tram scene, I think this explains why Stephen, and a lot of kids, are overly dramatic and self-obsessed. It’s a way of learning how to be in the world and how to do things, while only having adults and romanticized art to look up to. We take the world more seriously than t is, and then when we grow up we look back and laugh at ourselves a little bit. But perhaps we also contemplate a bit, why did we think that? How did we become who we are? Hence we write the “coming of age” novel.
The scene in the tram especially hit me hard. I remember having a first crush, having a moment with them, not shooting my shot, and just feeling an absolutely crippling sense of regret afterwards. Which is silly, because I was probably 12 and had no idea what was going on and the person I know for a fact did not reciprocate the feelings. And yet I immersed myself in those new feelings, wrote crap poems about loneliness and whatever.
And yet I didn’t really read the scene as predatory, as Emma pointed out on her blog (a great post). And I went back and read it, and yeah it is really creepy. But now I’m thinking, where did Stephen, I, and perhaps most readers of the book get these messed up ideas of how romance works?
One thing is literature, which Stephen is practically imitating in the tram ride. All of the romanticized ideas he has come from literature, and I don’t really think that’s changed up to today. He bases his romance off The Count of Monte Cristo, and because it’s all he had his first crush feels as dramatic as the novel. And he learns How To Do Romance from what he reads, and we still do. This is one way that romanticized and potentially problematic ideas are perpetuated.
Another thing is that Stephen watches the adults in his life and observed how they deal with things. He sees his parents dramatic conversations over politics, and makes the events in his life similarly dramatic. Why can’t they be? It’s his only reality and he’s learning to deal with it with the tools he has. So as sort of an aside from the tram scene, I think this explains why Stephen, and a lot of kids, are overly dramatic and self-obsessed. It’s a way of learning how to be in the world and how to do things, while only having adults and romanticized art to look up to. We take the world more seriously than t is, and then when we grow up we look back and laugh at ourselves a little bit. But perhaps we also contemplate a bit, why did we think that? How did we become who we are? Hence we write the “coming of age” novel.
I also felt that I could see myself in Stephen more than I would like to admit sometimes, and I think part of what he goes through with the brooding and thinking he knows what Emma is thinking as they ride the tram is that he wants to feel special. I think deep down everyone alive wants to feel special, even if we deny it, even if we are doing our best to blend in with the crowd, I think almost everyone wants to be noticed by someone, acknowledged by someone. I think this desire can often be subconscious, and in our thoughts it might be projected in ways that seem self-absorbed: "knowing" that your crush is noticing you too, being the "cool, superior" older kid. These traits make us feel like we stand out and to me, I want to do a better job of giving Stephen and myself in a way, the benefit of the doubt and say that those actions and thoughts are a product of the longing to be noticed and special.
ReplyDeleteWe often laughed at Stephen's drama-queen perspectives in class, but I honestly remember being that dramatic when I was younger. As you mentioned that Stephen got his idea of romance from the novel(s) he read, I definitely got my idea of romance from Disney Channel shows that idealized the whole "boy-wants-girl-and-fantasizes-over-her" storyline. I think we laugh at Stephen and cringe because there's some familiarity between his feelings and thought processes and our own, but I don't want to speak for everyone haha.
ReplyDeleteI feel that everyone has gone through "phases" in their life because we're still trying to figure out how to react to situations. I agree with how media and the like tailor our perspective on what's ideal. It takes years of gradual experience to become skeptical on what's a reasonable situational outcome, so I don't expect Stephen to reach his expectations. Because of that, it makes sense to brood a little bit/be dramatic.
ReplyDeleteI also want to commend your forwardness on childhood experiences. While we can laugh at Stephen now because of our position (critizing his thought process and experiences), many of Stephen's encounters are easy to relate to. I, for one, want to hide away some the embarassing things I've done/experienced in my childhood.